On Nihilism

At this moment, I am a total nihilist. I see no meaning in anything that I am doing and I see no meaning in life. I see life as a routine that no one really cares for. I feel like I was born into a mechanical society. There is no authenticity or rawness. We are putting on fronts to disguise how we truly feel, thereby making us look like robots. It is hard to find life in anyone’s eyes. We are expected to go to school for 13+ years in order to get jobs (which are not even guaranteed) that we may or may not hate, get married, have children, and die. What is the point? It is so routine that it is irritating. Does anyone truly feel like this is how life is supposed to be? I think we as humans have royally fucked up.

I am overwhelmed by emotions in regard to how pointless life is, and I am also bothered by the fact that I think life is pointless when I know people who see life as the most beautiful gift we can be given. How can they see life that way and I can’t? I know that it is all a matter of perspective and probably self-deceptive positive thinking, but I cannot force myself to say that life is good when it isn’t; I cannot tell myself that I enjoy where I am at when I feel like I am being crushed by the weight of the world. I feel so far away from this society. I do not want to pretend that I am okay with every social construction so that I can fit in. I do not want to give in to capitalism, but I do not have a choice. This is how I have to spend my life and even the thought makes me crazy.

I wish I could believe that life has a point and that I am here for some reason, but I think that life is what it is and that I am here because of biological reasons and now I am forced to find a way to survive.

This has been an existential crisis rant.

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